The NLP Approach to Rapport Building
Building rapport is one of the core principles of NLP. And so, as you’d expect, NLP has a lot to say about how best to do rapport building.
Watching this video is worth 3 Management Courses CPD Points*.
🔎 See below for details
This video is part of course module 2.9.1
Program 2: Manager as Communicator
Course 9: NLP
Section 1: Introduction to NLP
Dr Mike Clayton has been an NLP Master Practitioner since 2003.
Other videos in this section include:
🎬 What is NLP? Neuro Linguistic Programming https://youtu.be/F29MDTiwiTg
🎬 NLP Presuppositions: Explained! https://youtu.be/74SuciCkN-g
🎬 NLP’s Logical Levels of Change: (aka Neurological Levels) https://youtu.be/DNIBBPQsZDk
🎬 NLP Filters: How we Interpret the World around us https://youtu.be/TUnvH9_8CWc
The basis for rapport building is matching the other person.
The three ways we can do this are with our:
Body Language, or physiology
• Facial expressions
• Eye contact
• Even clothing and style
• Pace (or tempo)
• Volume (loudness)
• Tone (or pitch)
• Timbre (quality)
• Key words
• Slang, argot, and idiom
• Jargon and technical vocabulary
• Predicates – the words that convey senses like sight, hearing, and feeling, like see, show, illuminate; hear, resonate, sounds like; feel, robust, grasp; or digital language like: sense, think, perceive
• Associations and experiences
Matching and Mirroring
We gain rapport by matching the other person. The distinction between matching and mirroring only makes sense in the context of body language.
The mirroring posture represents the posture we’d see if we looked in a mirror. The sensation can be far more intimate. In circumstances where this is inappropriate – like work – this can be jarring, disrespectful, and can break rapport.
Pacing and Leading
The process of matching your body language, voice, and words is called pacing. As you do this, you will come into rapport with the other person.
Because rapport feels good, you can ease off, and the other person will stay in rapport.
But, because of their unconscious wish to stay in rapport, unless deliberately break rapport, you can go further. You can make small changes in your own behaviors that do not match theirs. And, to stay in rapport, they will follow you. Now, you are leading.
If you truly had rapport, and if you don’t make a change that is too big, you can lead them to a less intense emotional state. Thus, you can de-escalate
1. Notice pairs of people in bars, restaurants, and cafes. Can you spot the signs of rapport? (1 MC CPD Point)
2. Now deliberately add elements of matching in your interactions. Do this for a couple of weeks. At the end, reflect on what you have noticed. (2 MC CPD Points)
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There are many books that introduce NLP. These are the ones I have, and can recommend:
📖 NLP Workbook: A Practical Guide To Achieving The Results You Want https://geni.us/LNhW
📖 NLP at Work: The Difference that Makes the Difference https://geni.us/we84
📖 Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People https://geni.us/H3VneOh
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Managers Need a Basic set of kit to do your job well. Here are my top recommendations: https://kit.co/MikeClayton/manager-s-work-kit (the links are affiliated)
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00:00 – Building rapport with NLP
00:18 – The NLP approach to rapport: Starting point
00:49 – Body Language
01:12 – Voice
01:34 – Words
02:38 – The Albert Mehrabian fallacy
05:32 – Matching and Mirroring
06:41 – Pacing and Leading
09:17 – Closing remarks
#ManagementCourses #NLP #Rapport